On one warm November day I was on a flight from Entebbe in Uganda en route to London Heathrow. A couple of hours after takeoff, I was listening to some classical music and it just occurred to me to look through the window and lo and behold, we were flying over the Sahara desert.
The Sahara Desert is the largest desert in the world and occupies approximately 10% of the African continent. From the Atlantic Ocean in the West, the greater Sahara stretches across Africa to the Red sea and down to the highlands of Ethiopia encompassing 9,100,000 square kilometers.
The Sahara is one of the hottest regions in the world with mean annual temperatures exceeding 30 degrees centigrade. In the hottest months temperatures can rise over 50 degrees centigrade and temperatures can fall below freezing in winter. The Sahara is extremely windy. Hot dust filled winds create dust devils which can make the temperatures even hotter.
So, here I am, beholding this 'fierce' and challenging place from about 36,000 feet and it looked beautiful, calm and seemingly very hot.
Then, something happened; as I was about to change the song I was listening to from the list of songs on the small TV screen in front of me, my eyes fell on the temperature readings and the air temperature outside the plane was in negatives. I blinked, wiped my face and looked again, oh yes, it was in negatives!
Hang on, I said to myself, aren't we over the Sahara? I asked myself, yes we are came the answer immediately, so why the freezing temperatures outside?
In my curiosity, I was just about to seek clarification from my next seat neighbour when like light bulbs being switched on in my head, I recalled my early years in school when I learnt in my Geography class that: The Higher you go, the cooler it becomes!
Ahhhh! I said, hmmm.., now I get it! How true. Of course, I was 36,000 feet above sea level, that was quite a high altitude. I also realised that; from a higher altitude everything looks really beautiful - even the Sahara!
Ladies & gentle men, you have had it figuratively said time and time again that attitude determines altitude. In fact Zig Ziglar once said; "It's your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude". That is spot on. You see, your attitude ultimately determines what angle or view of life you will have, it could be a high one or a low one, it all depends on your attitude to life and life can more often be like the Sahara desert, tough, fierce, challenging, hotter; but boy! on a high altitude of your mind, you will view life differently and I will show you how.
In this post today, I am going to explore how our attitudes can determine our mental altitudes especially in the context of our relationships, come to think of it, your attitude goes a long way in determining what company of people you will keep, what actions you will take, how successful you will be and above all, how much and how deep you will enjoy life. Something worth exploring, wouldn't you agree?
Right then...
You will also agree with me that, the truth, about us humans is; we are all not at the same level of development emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.
In dealing with people therefore, we ought to recognise this fact if our relationships have to thrive and be meaningful, we have to deal with each person according to his/her level of development and our attitudes are a key factor in ensuring success in this area of our lives.
The fact is that relationships are everything. Your relationships form a core part of your Identity. They have an inordinate impact on who you are, what you do and everything you become. It's true that most of us determine our place and position in life in relationship to the people around us. Relationship building is the most important factor determining your success virtually in any calling or business and believe me, your attitude is a very fundamental ingredient to building lasting and fulfilling relationships.
The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines attitude as: a settled way of thinking or feeling.
So, what exactly are some of the attitudes we ought to possess to enable us build and sustain successful relationships? well, that is the burden of this article and I trust that in the few lines and paragraphs that follow, we will get understanding, insight and direction.
Here is the heart of the matter,..... it's all about enhancing the quality of your relationships and building strong, lasting emotional connections with the people you care about and as Arthur Conan Doyle said; 'Skill is fine and genius is splendid, but the right contacts(Relationships) are more valuable than either' and in the same light Brian Tracy also said; ' Virtually all of your problems in life will come as a result of you entering the wrong relationships with the wrong people and virtually all of your successes in life will be accompanied by great relationships with good people who help you and who you help in return'.
Ok, let's look at some of these attitudes, shall we;
1. ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE.
Giving thanks at all occasions in everything is one of the foremost virtues of victorious and visionary people. One simply sees good in everything and hence has reason to say thank you at all times regardless of what has befallen him/her. In the same token, see the best in others, be grateful for their friendship and companionship, let them know how much they mean to you, compliment them on their traits, possessions, breakthroughs and achievements; give your compliments Immediately, and graciously. Whenever somebody does something for you, be expedient in returning thanks - do not take whatever is done for you for granted, however small the act.
The point is this..
When you exude an attitude of gratitude at all times, you make people around you feel important. The truth is,... everything you say or do that causes another person to feel better in any way also causes you to feel better to the same degree.
This clearly resonates well with what wise King Solomon said in his proverbs: " ....and he that watereth shall be watered also himself" Proverbs 11:25b
Haven't you realised that when you encourage, inspire, motivate someone else, you feel motivated, inspired and encouraged yourself? And guess what...
The converse is true, when you degrade, insult and abhor someone else, you feel the same too!
The need for appreciation is a deep subconscious desire of every individual you meet. When you satisfy this need, you will by all accounts become one of the most popular person in that persons world, and what is the key to expressing gratitude and appreciation? Simple, just say 'thank you' on every occasion.
You say thanks in a whole host of different ways: by giving compliments, admiration, giving encouragement, by unconditionally accepting people for who they are, by smiling, giving a hug, a pat on the back....., all these actions communicate one message ;-well done 'buddy' I am really proud of you'.
In fact, the best way to ensure your happiness is to assist others experience their own.
"Those who bring Sunshine to others can not keep it from themselves" James Banie
2. FORGIVENESS
"...forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" Matthew 6:12. On any given day, you will find it inevitable not to have hurt others either through your actions and words, intentionally or not intentionally. It's one of those inevitable things that happen because of our imperfect natures and way(s) of thinking. You will also be hurt by others and the irony of this is that, your deepest hurts will come from those closest to you most. It is therefore very important that we deliberately chose to forgive rather than hold grudges with any one at any one time.
Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz in their book; In the power of Full engagement, said " The richer and deeper the source of our emotional recovery, the more we refill our reserves and the more resilient we become" You see, .. people are 100% emotional. People decide emotionally then justify logically. Emotion comes first. So when we are hurt, our emotions immediately take over and for some, this leads to prolonged periods of sulking and being grumpy and they will justify it logically by saying that they are hurt. What they seem not to understand is that a lot of their emotional energy which could otherwise be expended in some other productive venture is being put to waste and destructive tendencies, so the faster they recover from that hurt through total and sincere forgiveness, the better for them.
So if there is anyone who has hurt you even as you read this paragraph right now, it could be your parent(s), your spouse, your close pal, your sibling, your pastor, teacher, work mate,..., whoever it is, find it in your heart to forgive and release them, it's a very noble and eternal act and the rewards are worth it.
Forgiveness is a choice and we all have to make that choice time and again if our relationships are to be worth our time, effort and rewards thereof.
3. COURAGE
Courage is a very admirable quality. Your boldness will help you get as much as you need in life. The bold move makes you seem larger and more powerful than you are. More than that, he bold draw attention and what draws attention, draws power. We simply cannot keep our eyes off the audacious - we can't wait to see their next bold move.
Every one admires the bold; no one honours the timid, isn't that true?
Better still...
A courageous person is an upward and forward looking person, faces the future without fear but with determination, not with doubt but with faith. He/She is willing to take great chances and reach for new horizons and remake the world around them. They recognise that their is more to their life than the ordinary, they take the status quo and turn it around. They are simply magnetic and very inspiring to be around them. The good news is that you can be one of those very courageous ones as well.
The courageous individuals teach us to have our horizons limitless and ultimately if we are to be true to our past, we also have to seize the future each and every day and courage will help us make the most of our time, abilities (effort), make the most of our opportunities and ultimately make the most of our lives and relationships.
And...
No matter how bitter the raw, how stony the road, courage enables us to persevere, not to falter or grow weary but to demand, strive and shape a better destiny! we simply refuse to give up on the idea of forward and upward move but ultimate triumph, despite the most extreme odds.
What an admirable attitude to have! waw. It will truly make you attractive.
4. COMPASSION
Compassion draws you closer to the hearts and minds of others especially the destitute, suffering, poor and hence grants you access to the unity of spirit - by far a very irresistible force.
Compassion makes you believable, it magnetises and magnifies the power of your faith and undeniably makes you very welcoming and attractive in the sight and hearts of many. Compassion moves the heavens on your behalf and bestows upon you the invisible power of influence and force of accomplishment.
Compassion naturally leads you to be a giver, it enhances the quality of benevolence - one of the hallmark characteristics of the truly superior person.
When you give freely and generously of yourself to others or for a cause, you feel more valuable and happier inside.
Here is a principle to remember when it comes to benevolence and or compassion: "The more you give of yourself to others without expectation of return, the more good things there are that will come back to you from most unexpected sources"
You also realise that over time you are becoming more patient and understanding, less judgmental or demanding of others, you feel peaceful, confident and pleasant to be around. In a nutshell, you become a better and finner person.
5. INTEGRITY
Your Character is the most important thing that you develop in your entire life and your character is based on your integrity.
You develop integrity, and become a completely honest person, by practicing telling the truth to yourself and others in every situation.
It is imperative that your relationships are based on the foundation of truth and this can be done by developing the habit of living in truth with yourself and with everyone around you. Of course this does not mean that you will always be right 100% of the time, it however emphasises the fact that you endeavour to tell the truth, as you see or know it. Others will learn to know that they can confidently rely on you and your word. Though they may not like what you say on certain occasions, they will still know that you always speak the truth. This goes a very long way to earn you a great reputation and form a very solid foundation for your integrity.
Listen to what Shakespeare once wrote, "To thine own self be true, and then it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man".
In this day and age with the advancement of technology, CCTV and satellite, you cannot afford to be careless about how you conduct yourself, treat others or do business. To be successful nowadays is largely determined by the number of people who TRUST you and who are willing to; for example,... work for you if you are an employer, give you credit if you are a borrower, buy your products if you are an entrepreneur, help you during difficult times etc. Here TRUST is very essential, and trust is earned not given, and you earn trust by being a person of integrity.
You must guard your integrity as a sacred thing, as the most important statement about you.
As Brian Tracy once said; 'Whenever you are in doubt about a course of action, simply ask yourself, "Is this the right thing to do?" And then behave accordingly.
6. LOVE
As Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13:2-3"And though I have the gift of prophesy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains,.....And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not Love, I am nothing" No doubt, one of the greatest statements and message to any generation.
You could actually possess all of the 5 attitudes listed above, but without Love, your relationships are doomed to fail.
Even our Lord Jesus Christ emphasised this point of love so much, that He gave a new commandment: "....THOU SHALT LOVE THE LORD THY GOD WITH ALL THY HEART, AND WITH ALL THY SOUL AND WITH ALL THY MIND........., THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF" Matthew 22:37-39
To love is a decision you make and should form a core part of your attitude(s) if your relationships are to have any meaning at all.
Lets take to heart what Jesus Christ said in in the scripture above and also embrace the golden Rule: "DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU".
In closing, I would like to say that; the way to a supper attitude and hence great relationships at any time of the day and at any day of the week is to Trust in God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
When you do that, you will be seeing things from a higher plain/high mental altitude and at that altitude, all things look beautiful. There is no room for complacency, no room for criticism, condemnation or complaints; even the fierce dessert(s) of your life will look beautiful from that high mental altitude as a result of your great attitude(s).
Let wisdom enter into your heart and let knowledge be pleasant to your soul, consequently, discretion shall preserve your estate as a result of your change of state and understanding shall keep you and lead you to every good path.
Do also remember to embrace mercy and truth for thus you will find favour in the sight of God and Man.
Thank you for travelling this far with me today, you have certainly demonstrated a keen sense of diligence and may God bless you and your relationships.
I Love you and look forward to hosting you again next time right here. Be sure to look after one another and let's make our world a better place and also make our relationships to flourish by embracing the great attitudes we have learnt today. "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of Character" - A.Einstein
Peace & Love
Libs
